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The Civil Gentleman
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     The Civil Gentleman    

A Code of Ethics for the Modern Gentleman and
Gentlemen In All Parts of the World
...Inspired by the Grace of Nature
Protect Our Children

Symbol of Gender Harmony - Through the Child the Parents Are Unified
Giving from the Heart

View Civil Gentleman PDF
Download Pamphlet PDF

The mark of a civil society is the manner in which men respect the rights and needs of women.  Beyond governmental laws and institutions of morality, each man must choose the manner of civility that he understands to be the path of righteousness. Although both genders, individually and collectively, are equally responsible for civilizing society, especially in the modern era, this perspective is intended primarily for examination by men concerned about family, fairness and ethics.  As such, it should also be regarded as a challenge and an invitation for discussion.  For, even though much progress has been made, the echoes of women's suffrage, less than a century in passing, have not yet cleared the forests and valleys in all parts


The civil gentleman distinguishes himself by pledging to respect each woman as his equal and to honor each woman as if she were the mother of his child.  Due to his biological role as the primary supporter and protector of the family, he highly regards the rights and needs of children, as well, and other persons of either gender who may be less able to defend themselves from violence and abuse.  For, it is the grace of nature, that through the child, the parents are unified.  Both parents are instinctively motivated to cooperate in nurturing, supporting and protecting their children.


Your role as a parent is critical in teaching important lessons about values and ethics that can best be taught at home ...


The next step above polite chivalry is the respect for women's rights critical to her intellectual and economic wellbeing.  The civil gentleman is sensitive to the fine line between chivalry and chauvinism and recognizes the woman’s right to education, employment and leadership in all major institutions without discrimination.  For, to deny a woman an education on the one hand and to offer her a free lunch on the other, is to add insult to injury .  Affairs of pre-marital, marital and post-marital relations should provide equal consideration to both genders.  Physical or sexual abuse towards any woman, child or family member is not an acceptable behavior for the civil gentleman. 


The civil gentleman acknowledges the history of abuses against women and children in ancient and recent times promulgated or accepted by a number of leaders, groups, tribes, religious sects, societies and governments .  He accepts responsibility for avoiding such abuses in his own personal affairs as well as promoting the highest level of civility in any group and institution in which he participates. We have also sadly learned in recent times that some of the religious institutions that teach the same lessons we espouse as civil gentlemen, have also allowed their own ministry to skirt due corrections and prosecution for seriously and repeatedly abusing the most vulnerable children in their church in a sexual manner. Several Catholic bishops have recently been accused of covering up numerous cases of child abuse offenders within their ranks, exposing the bishops themselves to criminal prosecution, and further alienating their once faithful congregations. What can be more demoralizing for a child who has been molested by a family member to go to confession and talk with a priest who may be touching himself while listening to the child confess his abusive experience? Is this what the sacrament of confession is all about? Sinister gratification with a defenseless child oblivious to the priest’s intentions?

Institutional Change

That the offenders are generally men with mostly good intentions, enlightens us to perceive the need for looking more deeply into our own personal behavior, regardless of the prayers or creeds we formally espouse. Institutional changes are likely needed, as well, and strong voices within the leadership of these institutions need to advocate for the obvious right direction, regardless of traditions. Possibly several major institutional changes are called for, including the end of the private confessional booth. Too much temptation for the clergy itself. Just confess to God, if necessary, and thank the priest for the ceremonial host.

It may take another century for the moral credibility of the priesthood to be restored, if ever, without drastic changes, especially in the Catholic Church, although other religious institutions and their pastors have crossed the line, as well. The very concept of godliness may need correction, as well. Fortunately, we still have nature as a guide to the ethical path of righteousness, as we promote herein. All is not lost, and humans throughout ancient history, even before Abraham and all the prophets who were mostly politically motivated, have promoted human dignity despite our selfish passions and clear examples of savagery, as well. We’re human, after all, and always will be. No more, no less. But we will always love our gods as concepts of perfect humanity and power, if such is possible, perhaps an oxymoron. Power and humanity: Passion and conscience.

Allowing for and emancipating female priests is another obvious change that would be very healthy for the entire clergy, as has been shown in several other major religious institutions. Is there a modern Copernicus, like the one who convinced the Church way back when that the Earth revolved around the sun, within the clergy today that can somehow convince the Pope and Cardinals that women are just as spiritually correct, and likewise made in the image and likeness of God, as men? Is God male or female or a perfect blend? What color is her skin?

In addition to more civil gentlemen, how about some more civil Bishops, Cardinals and Popes (and priests, too, of course)? People we can actually trust. And, of course, marriage for priests should not only be allowed, but actually encouraged! And with any gender, too, since we know that many priests are gay! It's time to change. Now! But, let’s not forget that the offenders are still the minority within their ranks, to be fair. Without open books, however, it’s really hard to tell how the ratio of offenders to non-offenders actually balances? How about an annual, open audit by trustworthy external parties?

Moral correction may also be a factor in the United States to push for a female president for the first time in American history. The proud groper hits the ropes! If the presidency doesn’t work out, and he stays out of prison, he may venture into the business of evangelical ministry and host massive gatherings on his golf courses, for a tax right-off, of course! And, to satisfy his base, why not sell guns and offer a shooting range in the same space, as well? A shooting range for both guns and golf balls! And he will personally bless every bullet and golf ball, as well, for a small indulgence, of course. That way, anyone who gets killed accidentally will go straight to heaven! Right?

In the Name of the Party, the Sun, and the Holy Barrister, treason is PERFECT! Ah-Men!

The façade of sainthood is just that. Saint Junipero Serra? This is not really such a new discovery, and the treatment of indigenous children by our institutions in the western world in recent centuries provides many records of the same, for example in boarding schools where Native American children were forcibly removed from their families and often abused, physically and sexually, by Christian caretakers. Allegations of the sexual abuse of migrant children by their governmental caretakers are also recently on the rise in the United States of America. Not a new problem. Men have to learn, somehow, to take ownership of their own personal antisocial tendencies. Not a new problem, and possibly getting even worse in modern times. Native American women and girls also disappear or are murdered in the thousands every year at a rate that is tenfold the percentage for the rest of the population.

Too many children have been tormented and injured by bullying in schools, as well, which seems to go on without supervision or control by school officials, in many cases. Mass shootings in schools by schoolmates is becoming all to commonplace, as well, in the 21st. century.

Between better law enforcement and personal change by civil gentlemen, institutional change and accountability is key to preventing more abuses and deaths. The civil gentleman is an important agent to promote needed institutional change, as well, both from within and without vital institutions.

Annual Child Freedom Fearless Safety Interviews (Proposal)

As concerned community members, parents and civil gentlemen, given that children are so vulnerable, and have increasingly been abused, threatened, tormented, trafficked, coerced to be child brides and sometimes even killed within or by nearly every type of institution, including orphanages, hospitals and boarding schools, as well as by teachers, coaches, doctors, priests, ministers, law-enforcers, schoolmates, parents and other family members, in addition to threats by extreme weather, pollution and climate change, we propose and strongly advocate a policy of annual safety interviews for every child in every school and all other institutions and locations, if not enrolled in school, by qualified external nurses.

Children’s voices must be heard: Every child! Every year!
... a safe place, a safe time to talk

Let’s look at the numbers. Aside from glaring news headlines and videos about child abuse and violence, statistics from official sources indicate a count of 674 thousand incidents of child maltreatment during the year 2017 across the United States. As large as this number stands, it actually represents a decline in child maltreatment, which includes neglect, when viewed over the past three decades since 1990, as reported in Child Trends, which number peaked in 1994 with the count of 1,032 thousand cases. Younger children are noticeably subject to more abuse than older children consistently from the youngest ages through the teens, with the youngest having up to thrice the rate of teens. Data in 2017 show that

  • children 3 and younger had a maltreatment rate of 15 per 1000,
  • for ages 4 to 7 having a rate of 10 per 1000,
  • for ages 8 to 11 having a rate of 8 per 1000,
  • for ages 12 to 15 having a rate of 7 per 1000, and
  • for ages 16 to 17 having a rate of 5 per 1000.

For elementary schools, this rate would apply to about one percent of their children being at risk, and slightly less than one percent for higher grades, on the average. The carryover from maltreatment prior to school age or in earlier grades may also continue to have adverse effects in later school years, the albatross of original sin. There are also significant differences for race and ethnicity cohorts where blacks and native Americans have almost twice the rates of maltreatment than others. Suffice it to say that any school today with only a few hundred students is likely to have one or more children at risk at any one time, silently suffering. These numbers do not include additional incidents of school violence or bullying which often go unreported, as well as other adverse child experiences (ACEs) and environmental threats.

Since the onset of related problems and ACEs may have initiated even before school age, there’s no way we can predict or intervene and unmask the earliest cases of child maltreatment and abuse or bullying and depression unless we invest our time to sit with and privately ask every kid, at least once every year, “How are you feeling today? Can we talk?”

These interviews will be standardized at the federal level with local embellishments, based on age (or mental age for special children), language and sex, to be held in private and secure settings and confidentially recorded on digital media. The suggested interview content will be age related and focus generally on safety and health at school, home, community and online. Specific topics may include the following and other related concerns of cultural, gender or historical relevance, as well as previous interview follow-up:

  1. Personal and family or guardians' names, phone numbers and addresses, including social media and email addresses the child may have memorized or have available on a personal cell phone,
  2. Personal age, date and place of birth the child may have memorized,
  3. Nationality of parents or guardians,
  4. Languages spoken by parents or guardians at home,
  5. Religious beliefs of parents or guardians,
  6. Number and ages, gender of siblings or other children at home,
  7. Name and location of previous school,
  8. Personally most liked teacher at school,
  9. Personally most disliked teacher at school,
  10. Best friend at school,
  11. Experiences with bullying within the school or elsewhere,
  12. Knowledge of threatening schoolmates or school staff members, or gang recruitment activities and shootings-violence at school or home and neighborhood,
  13. Knowledge of schoolmates or staff who promote hatred or violence towards other students on the basis of race, nationality, immigration status, native language, religion, gender preferences, physical disabilities, or other descriptors,
  14. Experiences with fighting in school or home,
  15. Knowledge of any guns, weapons, explosives or fireworks at home or school,
  16. Knowledge of any drugs, painkillers, e-cigarettes, alcohol or contraband located or sold at school,
  17. Personal and parental health concerns (including chronic ailments, mental health, eating disorders, seizures and thoughts of suicide),
  18. Personal thoughts about, or experience with, running away from home or place of residence,
  19. Traumatic injuries or emergency medical services recently provided by doctors, nurses or others at school, home or elsewhere,
  20. Sex education recently provided by school, parents or others,
  21. Gender identity concerns,
  22. Experience with dating and personal sexual encounters or activities,
  23. Personal experience with pregnancy, maternity or abortions,
  24. Personal regards for parents, what I like and don’t like,
  25. Personal regards for siblings or other relatives and frequent visitors at home, what I like and don’t like,
  26. Concerns about personal legal problems or immigration status,
  27. Daily homework routine,
  28. Personal allowances, employment, vending of goods, or other income sources, including soliciting donations,
  29. Personal chores around the house or work to assist parents’ livelihood,
  30. Concerns about family legal problems, incarceration or immigration status,
  31. Concerns about foster care, adoption or personal welfare if current guardian care is terminated or disabled, or parents are deemed unqualified as guardians,
  32. Parents’ or guardians’ employment, business, or other income sources,
  33. Domestic violence incidents at home,
  34. Exposure to smoking, vaping or drugs at home,
  35. Personal experience with smoking, vaping, alcohol or any drugs,
  36. Nutrition and favorite foods at home,
  37. Housing (including transient conditions, bathing, sleeping arrangements and place to do homework),
  38. Primary sources of potable water at school, home or elsewhere,
  39. External religious activities,
  40. Recreational activities and sports,
  41. Favorite pets at home, if any,
  42. Frequency of playing on neighborhood streets and any dangers or concerns with conditions, such as traffic, gangs, bullies, other hazards, or particular neighbors,
  43. Number of friends or playmates in neighborhood and activities or visits, if any,
  44. Frequency of playing in neighborhood parks and any dangers or frightening experiences,
  45. Any contact or experience with police or military and whether friendly or hostile,
  46. Noticeable smog, smoke or other fumes and pollution at school or neighborhood that cause discomfort,
  47. Experience with extreme weather, heat, cold, floods, wind that cause fear or trauma to child or family,
  48. Knowledge of earthquakes, fires or explosions that have threatened or damaged school or home,
  49. Experience with bombings, shootings, physical assaults or rapes due to military aggression or wars causing trauma to child, family or neighbors, and identity of aggressor group, if known or suspected,
  50. Punitive treatment by caretakers and others, including frequency and type of treatment or trauma,
  51. Traumatic or embarrassing treatment or unusual touching by anyone at home, school, church or anywhere else,
  52. Favorite television shows,
  53. Favorite digital games,
  54. Favorite social media,
  55. Exposure to pornographic or nudity media or extreme violence and cruelty either printed or online,
  56. Experience with online bullying or threats, or invitations for sexting or dating,
  57. Any complaints the child may have about the physical classroom conditions, air conditioning, bathroom access, water access, lunch menu, or facility maintenance,
  58. Suggestions for additional classes or educational experiences that the student would find interesting,
  59. Suggestions for additional learning material, tech tools or science lab resources that would interest the child,
  60. Suggestions for additional athletic programs, sports or exercise equipment that would interest the child,
  61. Suggestions for additional policies, resources, personnel or equipment to improve the sense of safety at school.
  62. Any other concerns the child feels about conditions of safety or health in local village or city, or the environment, such as climate change, excessive wildfires, hurricanes or flooding, for example,
  63. Any participation recently undertaken by child in strikes or demonstrations to protect the future of a wholesome environment or to support other specific causes, including frequency of participation.

Children, parents and the community will be advised and informed about these interviews in some detail as appropriate, but to reduce any family stress in anticipation, exact interview dates will be randomized and not publicized in advance for individual children, and no parent, guardian or family member will be allowed to participate in the interview of their child. All teachers and school employees will also be excluded, although school counselors and health care providers from other schools or administrator ranks will be invited to attend as witnesses, as long as they had no prior involvement directly with the child being interviewed. Children should be comforted if they hesitate to answer some questions and be advised that they do not have to answer any question that makes them feel uncomfortable. The interviewer should be adequately trained to discern when the child does not understand the question or is possibly embarrassed or afraid to answer truthfully. These interviews should not be handled as forensic in nature, although they may lead to forensic interviews as a follow-up. No information volunteered by a child in these interviews may be used as self incrimination.

Documentation and follow-up policies for safety or welfare of the child will be standardized and rigorously applied and supervised. Parents and educators will be important consultants on specific interview wording, but parents or private schools may not exclude their children from their annual child safety interview, for any reason. Home-schooled children will also be interviewed annually by nurses or child protection agencies. Any juvenile in detention by state or federal agencies, including immigration detainees, must also be annually interviewed. No exceptions. All new enrollees or detainees must be properly interviewed within the period between thirty to ninety days of participation. An exit interview will also be required for all enrollees and detainees regardless of the duration of the period of participation.

The system will be designed for reliable cross-border identification with fingerprints, declarations of asylum requests by family members, if noted, and other related information, as available, including DNA swabs for all children new to the system. Documentation databases will reliably identify any child who disappears from subsequent annual interviews which will trigger appropriate investigations and accountability.

Equal, Universal Access and Non-discrimination

By requiring universal inclusion annually for all children, whether in public or private schools, boarding schools, orphanages, hospitals, detention facilities, refugee camps, migrating, home-schooled, homeless, abandoned or runaways, the policy will be fair and non-discriminatory, and provide equal protection for all, regardless of social status. Annual Child Freedom Fearless Safety Interviews will be universally available and provided by state mandate at no cost to all children. At the fringes of social communities it may be necessary to provide mobile interviewing units for privacy, comfort and support for the technical logistics of confidentially recording the interviews. Home-schooled children will also receive more privacy in mobile units, as well, which units may be parked close to the residence. Likewise, in many school settings, mobile interviewing units may also be practical and more secure in order to better standardize the quality of interviews and to eliminate any suspicion of secret, unauthorized recording bugs or cameras on campus. Many children in most need of this interview service and necessary follow-up may be those poor kids in the streets as runaways or sexually trafficked in urban areas. Once this program is established, there may be some children who actually request an interview through a toll-free hotline.

The objectives of this policy, which we dub Child Education and Safety Assessment Interview Resource (CESAIR), may include the following:

  1. Identify and document previously unrecorded critical trauma, abuses or harmful experiences, including sexual trauma, perpetrated by one or more individuals and expedite needed care and protection from further harm from alleged perpetrators,
  2. Identify and document recent threats to the safety of the child or bullying made by one or more individuals and expedite protection against further threats by alleged aggressors or bullies,
  3. Identify and document conditions, activities or behaviors at school, home or community that may directly interfere with the educational progress of the child and initiate a process of interventions or solutions to improve expectations for learning,
  4. Identify and document conditions, activities or behaviors at school, home or community that may directly enhance the educational progress of the child and initiate a process of sustaining or bolstering the beneficial circumstances,
  5. Identify and document conditions, activities or behaviors at school, home or community that may negatively impact the educational progress for identifiable cohorts of students,
  6. Identify and document conditions, activities or behaviors at school, home or community that may positively impact the educational progress for identifiable cohorts of students.

While the interview itself will provide vital information, the full assessment of CESAIR will also depend upon actual academic performance, grades, tests, attendance, and parental or guardians' involvement. When presented to students and the community, it will be important to describe the positive aspects of the entire scope of the program. The interviews themselves should be presented in a friendly and pleasant manner with the anticipation that the majority of children interviewed may have had very little, if any, frightening or traumatic experiences to relate. We are primarily asking our kids for their own perspective on ways to improve their educational experience as well as improve their feelings of safety at school.

Enabling Legislation

Even though many institutions, including some schools, have to some extent allowed or negligently tolerated child abuse within their domains, logistically we must depend upon our schools and teachers in each state to assume the leadership and demonstrate the know-how to provide solutions. Hopefully these vital institutions and professionals will also take on the challenges of this proposal, along with the full support, and perhaps some input, from the caring community and parents. Enabling state and federal policy legislation and funding should also be guided by the expertise of educators as well as concerned community constituents and stakeholders. Whether it takes a new executive in the White House and/or simply the clear vision and leadership of some of our elected representatives, we can only hope and demand to see an act of congress to provide incentives and minimal guidelines in this direction by the federal government, which may possibly be entitled something like the “Child Education and Environmental Safety Protection Act (CEESPA)”.

And let’s all get involved and debate the details. Talk to your representatives, as well. Remember that many abused or neglected children don’t even know that there’s any other way of life. How can they complain? Let’s find ways to help them talk in a gentle manner about some very personal experiences. Your own experiences may be very illuminating. Even the experts may welcome comments and narratives from people with unique stories. Today, every state also has a child welfare agency that can investigate any suspicion of child abuse or neglect. Please be a good neighbor and speak up for the sake of the kids. Look up the child abuse hotline in your area or call the national Childhelp hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child or 1 (800) 422-4453 which covers the entire U.S. and Canada and provides assistance in over 170 languages. See something, say something. The National Human Trafficking Hotline is 1 (888) 373-7888. Each child is precious. Each day may be critical in a child’s life.

Although most countries today have constitutions or legislation that mandate a free education for all their children, the USA does not enjoy such at the federal level. And even if a free education were constitutionally mandated, an education that is not also protected from fear and abuse, is like asking our kids to run the gauntlet just to get a high school diploma. Even though our states fortunately all mandate a free education, they must also ensure a safe educational environment for all children. Teachers and staff also need to feel safer, and carrying a weapon in the classroom, as some have proposed, will only create greater hazards for all. Ironically, although the legal principle of ‘equal protection’ has leveraged better quality education in some ways for minority students in historical court decisions, the remedies have failed to adequately address the issues of health and life-saving protections.

Delayed Disclosure of Abuse

Nowadays our children are exposed to mandated school attendance with dubiously equal and clearly inadequate safety protections within the school grounds, in addition to external threats from a few too many wayward parents, pastors, priests, police, predators, pedophiles and outright terrorists sometimes driven by hate. To protect the next generation, our schools need to become the ultimate refuge for our kids, a safe haven in which to relax, be curious and learn, not just another place for paranoia and panic. Getting a free lunch at school is great and healthy, but not so great if you always have to watch your back, or walk around the school grounds with a bullet-proof backpack.

Today’s plaintiffs: All kids required by the state to run the gauntlet in dangerous schools (apparently all schools today) without adequate health and safety protections. Our children are unwitting canaries in a coal mine, only the coal mine is now the schoolyard and the neighborhood, where undisclosed and superficially unnoticeable insults, trauma and torments accrue often till the breaking point! Withheld disclosure of sexual abuse and other assaults for children is often due to lack of guidance , innocence, fear and shame, while complaints may be further delayed especially when the offender is a family member.

As civil gentlemen, we know that parents do not own their children, nor do husbands own their wives even when married at a young age. The antiquated arguments to justify the inhuman treatment of slaves, for example, are long past any recognition of validity or respect for ownership of any other person. Children have a right to protest in order to protect their lives and wellbeing even if the threat is perpetrated by their own natural parents or legal guardians or custodians. This concept is also codified by the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC). Although the U.S. helped to draft it and it was signed by the United States Ambassador to the United Nations in 1995, the CRC has yet to be ratified by any U.S. president. Nor has any president officially presented the CRC to the Senate for approval, which constitutionally would require a two-thirds majority vote as a treaty.

CRC Ratification

Several candidates for U.S. presidency in 2020 have talked about policies that may benefit children, including health care, family care, pre-K-12 education support, climate change management, gun control, immigration reform and lowering college tuition and loan debt, for example, but whether any candidate will carry the political football of CRC ratification to officially enforce a voice for all children remains to be seen. Some of the opposition has come from conservative groups and religious institutions. These may be the same people that believe that corporal punishment is necessary to discipline their children. Others may be concerned that giving all children a voice may expose their ministry or schools to accusations of unsavory conduct and abuse. With all the notorious child abuses in the news by clergy and others in recent times, it’s time more than ever to stand up for our kids and officially recognize the voices of all children by the ratification of the CRC. Religious institutions today are walking a tightrope of credibility and tradition which may lead to further isolation unless they reverse their opposition to CRC ratification and become a champion, instead of lobbying with the cloak-and-dagger politics of the devil (paid for by charitable contributions?). If necessary, it’s best to clean your house before applying another coat of whitewash.

Individual Learning Plans, prepared by teachers for each student, may also be informed by interview data. It would also be interesting to see how AI resources like IBM Watson may utilize these data to predict educational progress for individual students and groups and possibly suggest ways to positively adjust to negative influences, especially if they are not clearly obvious (more time and less distractions for homework). However, could it be that optimum homework time for a given student, may be useful, as an example? Interview data could also tie into parent-teacher conferences, where some issues revealed by students in their interviews may be discussed. This may help to fill the gap of information from the child, since children are not invited to parent-teacher conferences.

As members of a civil society and parents or future parents, we must ultimately acknowledge and accept, after all we’ve seen to date, that for child health and safety, we must take responsibility to duly monitor ourselves and every institution and individual involved in the care, custody and education of our children, with regular direct third-party child interviews, as proposed. The cost is great, but doable. The benefit, exponentially greater: Smiles instead of tears. Prevention and education instead of trauma. Saving lives. This may also help us learn to become better parents and avoid serious mistakes. Professional providers of care, education, religious services, recreation and other services, will quickly learn, as well. The game is over for those who routinely have taken advantage of silent victims in the past. Prevention beats prosecution, cheaper, too. It’s in our hands. A happy childhood to pass on to the next generation. At least, if some abuse or trauma has now initially become revealed, the earliest intervention will minimize or prevent future episodes of the same. The younger the age of interview participation, the better.

We must all acknowledge that being a good parent or guardian is an on-the-job learning challenge, further complicated by the individual differences of each child and their changing needs and expectations each year as they mature. Not to mention our own personal changing needs and economic or marital stresses over the years. Even those of us parents with the best of intelligence, motivation and material resources, should enthusiastically welcome the parenting quality feedback from our children in the standardized objective observations provided by these interviews. Think of the questionnaires and surveys frequently tendered by health care providers and some educational institutions to solicit evaluations of their services by their patients and students. If these organization are motivated to undergo the cost for our feedback as a tool for quality control, how much would we as parents be willing to pay through taxes for feedback from our kids to help us become better parents, and our schools better and safer education providers? Add to that, our awesome responsibility since our kids are utterly dependent upon us for their very survival, education and spiritual wellbeing. They say it takes a village. If so, this may be a bridge to guide us to that village, whenever needed. This is not a pass-fail test for parentage, but rather a tool for incremental improvements for possibly better relations at home and a better, safer educational environment for our kids.

Yes, the child is the ultimate monitor, the witness, as innocent as he or she may be. If some innocence be lost by interviews, let it be a small cost in comparison with the innocence lost by demoralizing trauma. Only by establishing and maintaining the highest level of trust, can the proposed interviews successfully penetrate so deeply into the privacy of the child’s life, revealing secrets that the child may have feared to ever reveal in the past. This trust can only be balanced by the child’s expectations that the adults and care providers in the room are fully committed to the best interests and love for the child. In some cases, the child may have sadly already learned that some adults and even elder family members or friends are not really trustworthy. The bravery of this child to trust new strangers in the room, obligates the civil society to never violate this trust or neglect the need for further protection by all measures within our control. No child left unprotected.

No interview data will be allowed to be unscrupulously exploited or unprotected in the cyber world, as well. The highest and most secure data management tools must always be deployed and regularly audited. It should also be acknowledged that these data may also predict future economic trends and industrial positions down to the level of various products and social media. The data may also be very useful in measuring trends in communicable diseases and chronic ailments in various regions, which may be even more useful if similar standardized interview policies are deployed globally.

Climate Change Impacts

These data may also help us measure the direct health and economic impacts of global climate change as experienced by children, for example, in a normalized manner based on access to educational institutions and the cooperation of related governmental and non-governmental organizations worldwide. Always remembering that the confidence and privacy of every child and family must be absolutely protected. No online interviews. No commercials or social media sponsors. Only verified ecologically sustainable corporate interests may be invited to partner in this endeavor, if any such exist. The primary beneficiary of all the data collected is the child and immediate family. That interest must absolutely be protected without compromise, and the resulting social and economic benefits to the community, a secondary plus.

Proposal Summary and Outlook

By shedding light on the dim underground of child abuse and torment in our schools and community with mandated interviews for all, as we propose, we can optimistically expect that the majority of oppressed children will be emancipated from overwhelming fear and panic. Clearing the suppression and negative expectations for hundreds of thousands of children each year will also improve the outlook for our shared communities and the wider well of goodwill. Freedom at last for all, including more respect for the smallest and youngest!

Organized crime and gangs will also feel the pinch when trying to expand their recruitment and contraband marketing in schools, as well. No criminal secrets to be effectively protected in the school! If we can't clean the swamps in politics, at least we should be able to clean the gangster scum or those who promote hatred or violence in our schoolyards. When discipline of offending students is necessary, positive behavioral interventions and supports (PBIS) should be preferred over exclusionary practices whenever possible, as recommended by the National PTA . Hopefully, some kids who are saved from parental abuse and neglect, or other adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), by these interviews at an early age, will also be diverted from joining a gang or a hate clan in the first place. Kids are taught to hate, just like they can be taught to love.

The need is great when you look at the numbers, the potential benefit even greater at a time when our global society needs to cooperate to the highest levels to tackle so many problems including climate change, careless and irresponsible capitalists and corporations (you know who you are), and myopic politics. We need the talent of all our children and their spirit of optimistic and sustainable progress. If it's not sustainable, it's not progress. The back end and burps of oxen (methane) doesn't get us where we need to go!

Personal Change

Xenophobia and tribal instincts have also appealed to our caveman tendencies to treat migrants as less than human and blame them for many problems as well as some kind of conspiracy to displace the pure white race with some kind of inferior gene mix. Domestic racist terrorists may not realize that by killing innocent soft targets, they are demonstrating a weakness of the race they represent. Smart whites, on the other hand, are ahead of the game and have learned some time ago to trade with, partner with and employ qualified migrants who include a large consumer class vital to a healthy economy, and who also pay a lot of taxes. It actually takes a lot of smarts and bravery to find a way to immigrate, especially when so many barriers, walls, drug cartels, corrupt police and official policies that violate international amnesty laws are all stacked against you. They come here not as invaders, but as partners in the mutual struggle for making a living with hard work and cooperation.

In any group of friends, there are some who are more talented in one way or another. To limit your friends to only those at the most talented level may leave you a very lonely person. Your quality of life may improve if you decide to not only be a herder, but also a helper. A herder-helper with a soul, and many more friends, as well. Evolution and survival of the fittest was built on this model. It’s called cooperation. Look around, it’s a big town! Plenty of space for you and all types of potential friends, allies and cooperators, if you’re smart enough to play the game. Figure it out. Survive. Smile. Phobia and hatred lead only to failure and loneliness. Yours. Cooperation is also an interesting topic on YouTube showing how many species, including humans, benefit by cooperation.

Unfortunately, prayer or confession, by itself, usually doesn’t work for transgressions of passion. Nor will the simple recitation of pledges, such as those listed below. Most men in these situations probably want to change, but they don’t know how. They know their behavior is immoral, harmful and illegal, but the passions override their conscience. Original sin begets reciprocal sin, and so on. Just call it the male moral dilemma. Predatory by nature with a conscience and a perpetual tug-of-war within the brain and its own soul. How many notorious offenders at one time in their lives aspired to be saints or liberators from oppression?

Suicide – Mass Shootings

This may also be a factor in the apparent rise in suicides. We just don’t like our own malicious and predatory tendencies. Some people also are so confused and full of hate or fear that they not only take their own lives, but also those of other soft targets, perhaps of a different race, noted as a hate crime. Before you pull the suicidal trigger, or indulge in another harmful behavior, you may see some helpful options in the discussion below. Please know that you are not alone. Change is possible, although it may be a slow process, and take a little help. Use your macho tendencies to be stubborn and survive by overcoming complex problems with the careful study of all possible options. A stubborn survivor trumps suicide. Being a sinner today, doesn’t mean you can’t someday confess and brag, at least to yourself, about your redemption, the hard way, by pulling yourself out of the dirt and persevering.

So far, only males have felt the need to engage in this level of merciless madness. Another reason why we need to talk man-to-man. Somewhere there may be a few genes that also predispose more of us males than females to fall down this pit of suicidal massacres. Fortunately, the vast majority of males would never even think of being so heartless and cruel. Life, family, children, people of all races and creeds, and loving them, are good. Not very complicated, actually.

Conspiracy of Caring

The conspiracy of caring prevails! Conspire to love. Conspire to care. Put that in your talk show, if you dare! We also care to love those who only hate! It would be great if our hate mongers would also expand their agenda to something more healthy for society? Maybe there’s an audience for haters who also love? This may give you an edge over all the other hate only channels? How about, “We don’t hate child immigrants”, for example? Do you begrudge the innocents?

If you’re dealing with demons of hate or paranoia, maybe you can start by changing the channel on your YouTube or radio station to messages and music that are relaxing and comforting? Best not listen to angry voices, or, if you do, talk back and challenge them with the conspiracy of caring. They’re just trying to make a buck and suck up your attention by appealing to fear and frustration. Usually they push simple solutions like identifying enemies you can hate. Enemies are a dime a dozen, these days. If you look for them. Cheap radio talk. No solutions. Real solutions come from within.

Some drugs, even like marijuana, can also make some people feel a little paranoid, or vulnerable to suggestion, which can also lead to laughter, on the positive side, or violence on the negative side. Be careful with chemicals in the brain. If you’re feeling a little paranoid, try telling yourself that you feel like a powerful and beautiful angel, and everybody loves you. The power of suggestion, and auto-suggestion, especially under the influence. Too much alcohol can also trigger episodes of uncontrolled violence, or put you in an argumentative mood. If you’re a big talker, you’ve probably been in a few fights, as well. There also may be insightful help for specific problems you are facing on the web. Some therapeutic apps are also available on mobile media including suicide prevention help, with people you can talk to. Your world is in your brain. Fix it!

Prepare yourself for a long-distance cross-country race for survival. To learn new ways, you also have to be brave enough to ask some very big questions. You probably already know what some of those questions are. But it takes courage to ask them sincerely and to allow your own brain to open up and to really explore all possible answers. Ask and learn. Learn and change. Courage more than brains. To learn you have to ask. The true answers may be actually simple and obvious. Common sense. But, you can’t learn if you don’t ask. Some questions may have only a probable answer. Others may turn out to be not so critical, after all. Like, how many enemies are out there? Just ask your own brain to really think and figure it out. Just for fun, ask yourself: Is it weird to love a stranger? A healthy smile and some new friends to follow, in time. You’ll know you’re making progress when the guy in the mirror starts to smile back at you, and maybe give you a wink. You’re not alone. It may take even more courage to join the conspiracy of caring. Be careful if you try to convince other haters in your circle to love, however. That could freak them out. Jesus tried that and got crucified. Even more risk may befall the courageous activist civil gentleman who takes a leadership role in denouncing inhuman practices by powerful institutions.

The ideal agent of change may be inspirational rather than punitive. For spoken words can hurt and also heal and can sometimes move a mountain or swell a river of love.

There cannot be enduring peace in the world unless there is peace at home, peace among brothers and sisters, peace in social affairs and peace in private affairs .  The civil gentleman appreciates his responsibility to promote love, peace, civility and respect at home and in all sectors of society.  Though he proudly stands as a sergeant at arms, he aims to become a captain at enduring peace.

Guns – Fireworks – Security

The civil gentleman commits to provide security to his household and local community in a safe manner, acknowledging that self-defense weapons have been known to be used carelessly or aggressively in domestic settings. Unfortunately, guns are too often used for suicide, as well. The prudent civil gentleman will secure all weapons in a gun locker that is not available to children and cannot be opened without a key. Ideally, as a safe alternative to guns, security measures such as electronic surveillance, cameras and alarms will be deployed without the need for weapons of any kind around your home. For extra protection, a big dog or two should do, and they also make good companions for all members of the family, especially if properly trained.

No civil gentleman will possess a weapon with rapid fire capabilities designed for military tactics. Fireworks are also off the table in any household since they are dangerous to children and any person nearby, and frequently cause fires including wildfires.

Domestic Violence and Alcohol

Family Sexual Abuse

Kids Sexually Trafficked

School Fights - Classroom Violence

Child Abuse by Clergy

Orphanage Abuse

Hospital Child Abuse

Environmental Threats

Migrant Children Deaths

School Child Abuse

School Mass Shootings


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Jesus Christ Superstar

Use this as a guide, not to replace, but to enhance and refine the religious, moral and ethical tenants that are important to your own point of view in modern times ...

Civil Gentleman‘s Pledges

The mere establishment of laws, creeds or philosophies does not a civilization make, but the stuff of civilization is formed by the conscientious choices made by each man in each encounter at home, at work and every place along his path, each and every day of his life.  These pledges are understood to represent the causes of gender harmony and equality and basic human rights as commonly acknowledged by concerned organizations and leaders of this era. In support of the precepts above, the pledges cover a broad scope of issues, but are not presented as a comprehensive dictum of all ethical concerns between men and women.


None of the pledges is based directly on religious dogma, prophecy, divine inspiration, or moral obligation.  Nor should this statement be taken as dogma, but rather as a vessel of communication between the souls of men. For, no law or command can more powerfully steer a man's behavior than his own volition. By evaluating the natural order of human and animal life, we are inspired to elevate a path that brings harmony to the essential needs of survival and fulfillment at both the physical and spiritual levels of the human experience.  Use this as a guide, not to replace, but to possibly enhance and refine the religious, moral and ethical tenants that are important to your own point of view.


Social Participation - Politics

Although some pledges focus on political action, each gentleman should realize that his behavior at home and in intimate relations is most critical to the establishment of a civil society.  For, if a man votes for women’s rights and comes home to abuse his wife and children, or takes advantage of women who are trafficked for sex in a massage parlor, his behavior becomes a net deficit to civilization. In politics, a democratic government demands a discussion by voters in respectful discourse that may lead to better understanding of policy or candidate points of view. A healthy debate allows for learning and progress in the face of evolving realities, such as climate change in this era.

Human Dignity

Disrespect for human dignity can break down political dialog and undermine the democratic way, the political model for all civil gentlemen. The quality of any democracy is the level of true transactional dialog on principles and values held by any and all constituents. A round table where all parties and both genders are duly seated without discrimination. In contrast, apartheid is a practice based on racial discrimination and disrespect and is simply not valid in any part of the civilized world, at any time, whether by friend or foe.

The most inhuman and criminal type of racial, tribal, religious, political or national discrimination in history has led to genocide. Sadly, examples of such practices continue in various parts to this day. In some cases, genocide is also accompanied by raping masses of women in order to subdue racial identity and gratify mercenary warriors. This reveals the horrible brutality of war and extreme politics, where women, who rarely bear arms, are brutally victimized to demonstrate the worst levels of cave-man inhumanity. Totally at odds with the values of the civil gentleman.

The most common disgrace, however, is the simple insult, a name as simple as “stupid”. Teenagers often bully smaller kids with such simple insults with the intention to challenge the others to a physical contest. Such behavior can poison a family, as well, like a virus which may start from an elder who calls his children demeaning names. The mental cruelty may then spread among siblings. Words hurt. Words are weapons. Nobody wins in this type of caveman brutality. Such verbal assaults on a young child may leave long-lasting, if not permanent, mental scars.


Printed Pamphlet available online ...

The Civil Gentleman Pamphlet


Inspirational Poem:

A Gentleman I Am


A great inspirational gift for all the young men in your family  ... especially with the rampant temptations of Internet social networks and Smartphone apps!


Let the pledges serve as guides to sharpen the conscience of every man, and let the civil gentleman act according to his conscience.  With due regard to the principle of gender equality, a gentleman may consider and undertake each pledge item individually in private sincerity regardless of social sanction or approval.  For, the best architect of a good conscience is the man who deliberately examines his own soul with the willful intent of the common good irrespective of the exhortations and demands of others. 


It is not intended that the pledges be advocated by pompous ceremony or required for acceptance to any organization.  However, if so inspired, any men’s organization or fraternity is encouraged to adopt the spirit of selected pledges that may be relevant to its mission.  Leaders and educators may also find ways to build programs and lessons based on the intent of these pledges.


Due to the significance of each pledge, only one pledge item should be undertaken in one day.  An hour of meditation should be focused on the meaning of the item prior to making a commitment.  Thought should be given to possible scenarios where the pledge may be applied and to circumstances where the gentleman may be tempted to violate the pledge.  If he has previously behaved in ways that are contrary to a pledge, he should try to understand and evaluate the impact of his behavior on the parties involved.


The gentleman should keep a private record of the date and time each pledge was made.  Writing each pledge by hand as it is taken will help to visualize the significance of the act.  In so doing, the gentleman is encouraged to personalize each pledge by adding details appropriate to his station in life, marital status and affiliations. 


The prescribed pledges should be regarded as only a template upon which to build the personalized pledges each gentleman decides to take.  He should add new pledges that he deems are necessary to further support the principals of gender equality and universal human rights.  He should pass over any pledge item to which he cannot fully commit.  The valor of one pledge made in earnest is not compromised by his hesitation to commit to another pledge. 



Weekly and Annual Reviews


The path towards a life of good conscience is often one of the most challenging and courageous missions a man can undertake.  For, such an endeavor may constitute the regeneration of his very soul. Deliverance is not an enduring station, but only a turn in an unending maze of temptations and trials visited upon the man of good intentions.  A special time should be devoted each week committed to reading over personalized pledges that the gentleman has made.  He should also think about problems he has faced with family or intimate relations during the week and related guidance provided by the pledges.  On an annual basis, the gentleman should make a spiritual retreat to privately review the pledges he has made and consider the need to re-commit to those items he has found difficult to uphold. 


Fortitude and perseverance are virtues he must call upon to continue on his mission.  During the annual retreat, he should rewrite his personalized pledges and make any modifications to the wording that will help him focus more clearly on sensitive issues with loved ones and problems that need special attention.  He should reconsider any of the pledges that he previously passed over and evaluate the need for any new pledges not herein prescribed as his conscience dictates. 


Redemption and Goodwill


If a man needs redemption, let him redeem himself with the encouragement of like-minded brothers and sisters, if such encouragement be needed.  For, although many will flourish when girded with the spiritual embrace of their brethren, others will prevail on the path of righteousness with their solitary perseverance, self-study and introspection, and the illumination of their inner vision.  If one recognizes that some problems continue to reoccur, he should evaluate the need for professional guidance and support from appropriate organizations, expert counselors or spiritual advisors. 


He who has offended others in the past is one who may himself benefit by cleansing his soul and making reparations and sincere efforts to rectify his behavior according to his conscience. If he himself feels pain deep in his heart caused by others, let him search his soul for ways to understand and forgive.  This is one step he must take by himself at the time and place of his choice:  For, no court, persuasion or punishment can ever force a man to repent or to forgive. 


Only one person will know when the soul has taken a turn of forgiveness or repentance.  For, true repentance is a private moment, a simple pebble on a path that marks the beginning of a new journey.  And each step therefrom is blessed with renewed hope and respect for all good things.  The rising sun and the flowers in the fields are ample witnesses who join in quiet celebration of this new day.


His decision will likewise be rewarded by improved relations with others as well as a more civilized social environment for himself and his family.  For, civilization is likened to a well of goodwill, which we all draw from and replenish and which is cleansed or polluted by our very deeds.  The good waters, the sustenance of our souls, are never purified by punitive measures, revenge, or imposed justice, but only by sincere repentance, self-correction and remediation, and a good dose of forgiveness, as well, among all parties involved.  For, a society rich in justice is likely poor in goodwill. 


A Kinder Way - Civility

A man who has himself been the victim of abuse by his partner or other family members, may fortify himself not by resorting to retaliation, but by adhering to the highest level of civility.  By showing his offender a model of kinder behavior, even though he may be stronger and capable of inflicting greater physical harm, he will teach by example and avoid some situations that may trigger more violence.  For, more often than not, where there is domestic violence, there are two offenders and two victims to one degree or another.  He may also encourage his offender to abide by these same principles as appropriate.


Whereas each person needs to protect himself or herself from harm, the victim(s) must decide which of either justice or goodwill is more important.  For rarely can imposed justice and goodwill co-exist in a close relationship without exceptional generosity and forgiveness.  And justice, unfortunately, often leads to vengeance and escalating violence.  Ultimately, the stronger, more successful, person is the one who advocates his or her interests through negotiation, compromise, leadership and non-aggressive assertiveness and who uses self-discipline to control his or her power for the sake of the common good. Showing disrepect and challenging the human morality of an adversary can only lead to the cost of unending hostility.  Unfortunately, some cultures thrive on robust war machines and mercenaries. Looking for an enemy.   Advertising for allies in hate.

Make Your School a Kinder Place!


This kinder way of cooperation and negotiation, although requiring greater diligence and self-discipline, will more often prevail both at home and outside the home in business and political undertakings.  It will also provide a standing of goodwill to leverage against conflicts that unexpectedly arise from time to time.


Let us also be mindful that adding a little romance and humor to the mix will often do more to bolster and enliven a relationship than our principles, platitudes and pledges taken by themselves.  The classic example of a hopeless romantic is the mythical character of Don Quixote, by Cervantes, who cherished a common lady of the night, his Dulcinea, whose favor was the quest of his redemption as a noble knight.  This story can teach us that romantic love is not earned, but given out of passion and human need.  It is human passion that also drives us to love our children, who often do much to torment us, and rarely earn their keep until possibly later in their lives, that is unless we count the joy we gain from seeing them laugh and play and learn the lessons of life.  It is also our nature to love many of the simple creatures that we keep as pets, or sometimes the wild animals that we admire from afar.  If love is to be earned, by what virtues or performance do we measure in the balance?  Two people who can laugh, cry and play together will likely have an enduring and enriched relationship.  For, it never hurts to give, unless we are bound by our own expectations.


Through kindness, generosity, cooperation and forgiveness, we may all help to replenish and cleanse the well of goodwill.  This contribution is important especially since all of us have soiled the waters at times by offensive behavior, neglect of duties, broken promises, lack of sensitivity and excessive selfishness.  We all expect that kindness is deserved, but giving such may sometimes be reserved.  A few well-chosen words and a handshake or a hug, may help to heal the wounds over a long-lasting conflict with someone close to you.  By earnestly making and abiding by pledges as suggested below, the civil gentleman will usher his will with renewed discipline and vision to avoid offending others and to uplift the social bonds of civilization.


Respect for Women


  1. I pledge to honor the rights and privileges of every woman to be held equal to those of any man in personal affairs, business and any institution in which I have a voice.
  2. I pledge to restrain any personal inclinations to brutality or abuse including uninvited sexual advances, harassments, groping or assaults towards any woman or child, or to any person who may be less able to defend herself or himself, as well as anyone subject to my position of superiority such as an employer, supervisor, teacher, doctor, nurse, coach, spiritual guide or minister, talent appraiser, recruiter, agent for employment, military superior or other authority.
  3. I pledge to respect the rights and privileges of any woman who may be in a condition of inebriation or limited mental faculties and to refrain from taking advantage whether sexually or otherwise of a woman in this condition.
  4. I pledge to moderate my use of alcohol or other intoxicants and to avoid excessive amounts that may lead to violent or sexually aggressive behavior towards women or other persons.
  5. I pledge to respect the rights and privileges of any woman who may be partially or fully unclothed, voluntarily or otherwise, and to understand that the display of a woman’s private parts is not necessarily an invitation for sexual engagement.
  6. I pledge to respect a woman's right to privacy by refraining from looking at her when she expects privacy, looking beneath her garments in ways that are not expected or invited, and participating in any other unwanted intrusions into her personal affairs.
  7. I pledge to respect the rights of any woman who has decided not to accept my offers of romantic or sexual engagement, regardless of whatever gifts, entertainment or sincere compliments I may have given her.  I recognize that my largess does not entitle me to take privileges against her will.
  8. I pledge to treat all women with courtesy and respect and to avoid public displays of bullying such as staring, whistling, or shouting at women.
  9. I pledge to refrain from unprotected sex in order to reduce the risk of spreading sexual diseases to my partners.
  10. I pledge to avoid paternity until such times when I can undertake the full responsibility for caring for and supporting both mother and child in cooperation with the interests of the mother and in consideration of available means.
  11. I pledge to not engage in the prostitution of women or children.  If I am concerned about the welfare of a prostitute that I may encounter, instead of engaging in sex, I will contribute money or an item of value to the prostitute as a free gift.
  12. I pledge to not engage in the slavery, trafficking or involuntary servitude of women or children, including salacious massage services. If I encounter a person who is so enslaved, I will make every effort within my means to assist in freeing this person from bondage.
  13. I pledge to not purchase or view pornographic materials that gratuitously display images of women or children as victims of sexual or physical abuse or to participate in or support a related industry.
  14. I pledge to not purchase or play games that demonstrate dehumanizing violence or abuse of women, children or adults or to participate in or support a related industry.


Respect for Children


  1. I pledge to perform my role as an example of a civil gentleman, who uses the kinder ways of negotiation, compromise, cooperation, leadership and self-discipline, and to be a model for my children and others in my family and social circles.
  2. I pledge to refrain from physical, verbal and emotional abuse and violence towards children whether for the purpose of correcting their behavior or for any other purpose.
  3. I pledge to refrain from improper sexual contact with any child below the age of fifteen years, whether or not such contact is invited, and to respect the laws and taboos of the society in which the child lives that are intended to protect children from harm.  This restraint will also apply to older children or persons of limited mental faculties who may not understand the risks of sexual contact or relevant social implications.
  4. I pledge to respect a child's right to privacy by refraining from looking at the child when she or he expects privacy, looking beneath the child's garments in ways that are not expected or invited, and participating in any other unwanted intrusions into the child's personal affairs.
  5. I pledge to educate children in my family and social circles about their own rights and to inform them of ways to defend themselves against abuse by adults and other children.
  6. I pledge to guide children in my family and social circles about the damages caused by sexually abusing other children or adults and the need to refrain from such behavior.
  7. I pledge to guide children in my family and social circles about the damages caused by purchasing or viewing pornographic materials that gratuitously display images of women or children as victims of sexual or physical abuse and the need to refrain from such behavior.
  8. I pledge to guide children in my family and social circles about the damages caused by purchasing or playing games that demonstrate dehumanizing violence or abuse of women, children or adults and the need to refrain from such behavior.
  9. I pledge to guide children in my family and social circles about the damages caused by bullying or assaulting other children or adults and the need to refrain from such behavior.
  10. I pledge to guide children in my family and social circles about the damages caused by taking intoxicating substances and the need to refrain from such behavior at least until the age of responsibility.
  11. I pledge to guide children in my family and social circles about the damages caused by teasing and emotionally abusing other children or adults and the need to refrain from such behavior.  Words can and do hurt.
  12. I pledge to teach my children about the dangers of careless use of weapons, such as guns, and to protect them by making sure that any weapons in the home are carefully secured in gun lockers.
  13. I pledge to protect my children and community from fireworks by keeping all fireworks out of the home and not participating in any display of fireworks that is not managed by pyrotechnic professionals and not conducted at approved civic events.
  14. I pledge to protect my children and community from any device that may be used as a weapon of mass destruction or explosive and any rapid-fire guns and related equipment or ammunition designed for military tactics by not purchasing such devices and not allowing any member of my family to possess or store such devices on the premises of our home.


Social Participation -- Politics


  1. I pledge to provide financial and emotional support to family and close relations that depend on me including quality time and guidance as needed.  I will be especially attentive to promises I have made to family and loved ones as well as expectations based on my role in each relationship.  In times of special crises, I will also make efforts to extend my circle of support to those in need in my neighborhood and in remote areas.
  2. I pledge to not participate in or support any group, gang or organization that is committed to violence, abuse or damage to women, children or any innocent persons or their property.  Whether driven by motives that are criminal, antisocial, greedy, political or divine, I will critically examine any organization that uses destructive or violent means to accomplish its purposes.
  3. I pledge to refrain from abusive violence when any group in which I am a member initiates or provokes violence with other groups or individuals or among the members themselves.  If violence and destruction become a repetitive means for the organization, despite its purposes, I will make efforts to change the organization, and, if unsuccessful, I will cease to participate in or support the organization.
  4. I pledge to advocate for full equality for women in any organization, institution and political group in which I participate and to provide educational references in support of women’s rights.
  5. I pledge to support the enactment of laws and constitutional amendments within my resident state and nation, which may be needed to protect the rights of women and to provide full equality across genders.
  6. If given a choice, I pledge to vote for civility and fair human values and not for any candidate who has a record of abusing, harming or disrespecting women or any person on the basis of gender, race, nationality, political persuasion, religion or place of birth. A civil gentleman is not a cave man, nor does he vote for, or support, anyone who behaves like one or portrays uncivil or brutish behavior in office or social media or abusive behavior in private. The only exception I will consider is if the candidate has made amends and has truly repented. I commit to the principle that human dignity trumps politics and is essential for democracy.



Civilization begins with me!

Are You a Civil Gentleman?

If you believe in gender equality and the kinder way of dealing with adversity, then pat yourself on the back and dub yourself an aspiring civil gentleman. To feel more legitimate as a true civil gentleman, you can count the number of pledges you can truly commit to in your heart, and rate yourself accordingly. If you're even close to 100%, you deserve a badge, but your true reward is most likely a very happy family. No t-shirts, no badges, no ceremony nor official membership, but hopefully an understanding that we can all do a little more to improve the civility in our own family and community. Just for fun, you can also design your own civil gentleman t-shirts and show them off on social media, and hopefully add some humorous graphics?

A diligent civil gentleman is one who also regularly evaluates his performance with pledges and makes efforts to improve on sensitivity and possibly take on some of the more challenging pledges. We are not looking for clean hands, because that will lead us to a very lonely place. Realistically we are hoping to motivate more men to clean up their act somewhat, guided by the pledges and insights in this message, and hopefully encourage their brothers to join in and actively get involved in their own communities. A lot needs to be done. Clean hands, no. Strong and sensitive hands, yes.

The activist civil gentleman goes a step further and takes on institutional change. We have highlighted several institutions that support or tolerate abuses of women, children and other specific groups in irresponsible and cruel manners. But you know that there are many more institutions, governments, organizations, clubs and gangs that also systematically tolerate or promote horrible abuses. Take your pick, especially some of those groups that are close to your own social circles. Be brave and join the conspiracy of caring.

A parent who tries to convert a wayward son to more civility is a very important and welcomed civil gentleman partner. Many men can recall the guidance especially from mothers who helped to mold their boys to be a gentleman and avoid mistakes with the opposite sex. Their fathers are often very positive and important role models, as well. A wife or male partner can also turn on the abusive male to the kinder ways of a civil gentleman. The activist civil gentleman should also reach out to partner with women’s groups and other activists who share our concerns about protecting children, for example.

The emphasis displayed herein on protecting our children from abuse with interviews for every child in every school is possibly the most important campaign we all can undertake together at this time. Somehow our schools have become crucibles that energize fears and phobias with keywords and tags magnified and shared even further by social media today, taking advantage of the normal social insecurities of youngsters. Our schools are now a marketplace for some of the most antisocial, discriminatory and bigoted ideas dredged out of the history of dark ages, in addition to a trading post for more traditional drugs, weapons and other contraband. Only direct, confidential third-party interviews can shed any objective light on the secrets of this hateful underground and dangerous contraband commerce more often obscured and crystallized by dark clouds of the Internet.

This vision of protection is not so much through punitive action against bullies, abusers and hate mongers, but more importantly with interventions that prevent and reduce the physical and emotional trauma at an early age, which trauma may otherwise result in a life of violence, hatred, depression and crime, including sometimes suicidal massacres. A way of protecting, cleansing and enhancing the common well of goodwill especially within the most sensitive years of development and maturation. A kinder, more civil way. Permission to hate: Suspended indefinitely. Certainly worth the investment of the logistical costs of interviews and your efforts as an advocate, as well.


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Books about peace and gender equality: 2givenow.org/books4peace/


Sexual and Physical Abuse Information


Victims of sexual or physical abuse can experience trauma in a number of ways, either immediately or subsequently in later years.  Several websites and concerned organizations provide information about the affects of sexual and physical abuse and ways to detect situations of abuse.  Some of these resources also provide guidance on ways to protect against abuse.


Child Sexual Abuse by National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder states that child sexual abuse includes a wide range of sexual behaviors that take place between a child and an older person. These sexual behaviors are intended to erotically arouse the older person, generally without consideration for the reactions or choices of the child and without consideration for the effects of the behavior upon the child. Topics include "Who are the perpetrators of child sexual abuse?", "How does one know if a child has been sexually abused?", "What are some symptoms sexually abused children exhibit?", "What can parents and caretakers do to help keep children safe?", "What should parents and caretakers do if they suspect abuse?" and  "What are the possible long-term effects of child sexual abuse?".

Sex education resources by health connected are valuable to help protect your children from harm and also warn your boys about the liability of agressive sex games with younger children. The conversation needs to start at early ages and continue with appropriate topics as your children mature.

Understanding Child Sexual Abuse, Education, Prevention and Recovery by the American Psychological Association includes topics such as What is Child Sexual Abuse?, Who Are the Victims?, Who Are the Perpetrators?, What Are the Effects? Can Children Recover?, Protecting Children? What To Do, Where To Go for Help.

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Types, Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Effects by Helpguide includes topics such as What is the definition of domestic abuse between intimate partners?, What are the types of domestic abuse?, What is physical abuse of a spouse or intimate partner?, What is emotional abuse or verbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner?, What is sexual abuse or sexual exploitation of a spouse or intimate partner?, What is stalking?, What is cyberstalking?, How likely is it that stalking will turn into violence?, What is economic or financial abuse of a spouse or domestic partner?, What is spiritual abuse of a spouse or intimate partner?, How do I know if I am in an abusive relationship? What are the signs and symptoms of an abusive relationship?, What are the causes of domestic abuse or domestic violence?, How does society perpetuate domestic abuse? and related topics.

Sexual Abuse of Males: Prevalence, Possible Lasting Effects, and Resources by Jim Hopper, Ph.D. presents information to 1) help those looking for Web resources on the sexual abuse of boys and the lasting effects of childhood sexual abuse in the lives of men, 2) inform men who were sexually abused in childhood and want to know what professional researchers and therapists have learned, but who might not otherwise seek information in scholarly journals and books 3) help people understand how researchers come up with statistics on child sexual abuse, because the popular media foster confusion and most people don't read scholarly journals where researchers publish their work. 

Guide to Recognizing Elder Abuse Every month, one in 10 older adults worldwide experience some form of abuse. But with only 1 in 24 cases of elder abuse reported, the true figures are likely to be much greater. Every American state has an Adult Protective Services law with definitions, and may have other relevant civil or criminal laws.

Sexual Assault and the LGBTQ Community (Gay and Lesbian) community Lesbian, gay and bisexual people experience sexual violence at similar or higher rates than heterosexuals. The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Projects (NCAVP) estimates that nearly one in ten LGBTQ survivors of intimate partner violence (IPV) has experienced sexual assault from those partners. Studies suggest that around half of transgender people and bisexual women will experience sexual violence at some point in their lifetimes.

The Code of a Gentleman by Catholicism.org:  This code of conduct was extant at the Virginia Military Institute (VMI), circa 1839–1997.  Without a strict observance of the fundamental Code of Honor [cf., that a gentleman does not lie, cheat, steal, nor tolerate those who do], no man, no matter how ‘polished’, can be considered a gentleman. The honor of a gentleman demands the inviolability of his word, and the incorruptibility of his principles. He is the descendant of the knight, the crusader; he is the defender of the defenseless and the champion of justice… or he is not a Gentleman.

For more information, Google keywords: civil gentleman modern code ethics pledges, abuse sexual physical victims, blog gender equality, ethics morals blog, games violence blog.


Some issues from The Civil Gentleman are discussed on the Discussion on Ethics page.



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About This Publication


The authors and publishers of The Civil Gentleman do not represent any organization in this presentation.  Any comments about this publication should be directed to info[AT]2givenow.org.  New pledges may be added and other changes may be made at the publisher's discretion.  All copyrights are reserved.  This work is published in the interest of civilization and enduring peace in the world.  Additional background information about women's rights, gender equality and world peace may be researched through a collection of books at 2givenow.org/books4peace.


You can link directly to this page with this URL: www.2givenow.org/civil_gentleman.htm.  Feel free to link to this web page from any other web site and to distribute this link in your correspondence.  Here is a promotional message you are free to use as well:


The Civil Gentleman is a concept and path to improve civility between men and women around the world. It provides a way for each man, from youth to adulthood, to examine his role in civilizing his home and intimate relations.  A code of ethics for the modern man based on the grace of nature.  Learn more about The Civil Gentleman here:  www.2givenow.org/civil_gentleman.htm.

An Adobe Acrobat PDF file of The Civil Gentleman for printing or e-mail is available in Pamphlet format PDF download Printed pamphlet available.


For the protection of our children and family values, we as responsible parents, community members and civil gentlemen must take an active stance to promote the ideas, insights and proposals in this inspirational message by sharing in social media and communicating directly with policy makers at the state and federal level, as well.

As parents, we should be reminded that a good introduction to the beauty and pitfalls of sex is essential to help the child mature in a healthy manner and avoid many of the mistakes that children often make. Think of giving this inspirational message in pamphlet format to each of your sons at an appropriate age, as well. This precious gift will bolster the spiritual integrity and maturation of your children.  Be prepared to discuss any items and questions they may have about relevant topics. When coming of age, children need to learn not only about their biological development but also, and more importantly, about the ethical issues and responsibilities of young adults and teenagers in transition to adulthood.  Your role as a parent is critical in teaching important lessons about values and ethics that can best be taught at home.


Volunteers may help to support the cause of gender equality by printing copies of this statement and mailing or personally delivering them to individuals who do not have access to the Internet, such as persons of limited resources, the infirmed, the institutionalized and the incarcerated.  Copies should also be distributed to influential leaders, students, educators, and organizations such as those devoted to advocating gender equality and universal human rights.  To present this message in a more attractive format, you may purchase the The Civil Gentleman Pamphlet  which also makes a great gift for family or friends. 


Share these pledges and other pledges you enjoy with others in your community as a Pledge Inspiration Partner.


If you would like this inspirational message sent in confidence by e-mail to someone you know, please send his or her name and e-mail address to info[AT]2givenow.org and ask that your identity not be revealed to the addressee.  We will provide this service at no cost to you or the recipient in the interest of goodwill to all.




Thoughts About Giving: It is when you give of yourself that you truly give -- Thomas Fuller




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