The mark of a civil society is the manner in which men
respect the rights and needs of women.
Beyond governmental laws and
institutions of morality, each man must choose the manner of civility that he
understands to be the path of righteousness.
Although both genders, individually
and collectively, are equally
responsible for civilizing society, especially in the modern era, this perspective
is intended
primarily for examination by men concerned about family,
fairness and ethics. As such, it should also be regarded as a
challenge and an invitation for discussion. For, even though much progress
has been made,
the echoes of women's suffrage, less than a century in passing,
have not yet cleared the forests and valleys in all parts
.
The civil gentleman distinguishes
himself by pledging to respect each woman as his equal and to honor each woman
as if she were the mother of his child. Due to his biological role as the
primary supporter and protector of the family, he highly regards the rights and needs
of children, as well, and other persons of either gender who may be less able to
defend themselves from violence and abuse. For, it is the grace of nature,
that through the child, the parents are unified. Both parents are
instinctively motivated to cooperate in nurturing, supporting and protecting
their children.
Your role as a
parent
is critical in teaching important lessons about values and ethics that
can best be taught at home ...
The next step above polite chivalry is the
respect for women's rights critical to her intellectual and economic wellbeing. The civil gentleman
is sensitive to the fine line between chivalry and chauvinism and recognizes the woman’s right to
education, employment and leadership in all major institutions without
discrimination. For,
to deny a woman an education on the one hand and to
offer her a free lunch on the other, is to add insult to injury
.
Affairs of pre-marital, marital and post-marital relations
should provide equal consideration to both genders. Physical or sexual abuse
towards any woman, child or family member is not an acceptable behavior for the
civil gentleman.
The civil gentleman acknowledges the history of abuses
against women and children in ancient and recent times promulgated or accepted by a number of
leaders, groups, tribes, religious sects, societies and governments
. He accepts
responsibility for avoiding such abuses in his own personal affairs as well as
promoting the highest level of civility in any group and institution in which he
participates. We have also sadly learned in recent times that some of the religious
institutions that teach the same lessons we espouse as civil gentlemen, have also
allowed their own ministry to skirt due corrections and prosecution for seriously
and repeatedly abusing the most vulnerable children in their church in a sexual manner.
Several Catholic bishops have recently been accused of covering up numerous cases of child
abuse offenders within their ranks, exposing the bishops themselves to criminal prosecution,
and further alienating their once faithful congregations.
What can be more demoralizing for a child who has been molested by a family member to go to
confession and talk with a priest who may be touching himself while listening to the child
confess his abusive experience? Is this what the sacrament of confession is all about?
Sinister gratification with a defenseless child oblivious to the priest’s intentions?
That the offenders are generally men with mostly good intentions,
enlightens us to perceive the need for looking more deeply into our own personal
behavior, regardless of the prayers or creeds we formally espouse.
Institutional
changes are likely needed, as well, and strong voices within the leadership of these
institutions need to advocate for the obvious right direction, regardless of
traditions.
Possibly several major institutional changes are called for, including
the end of the private confessional booth. Too much temptation for the clergy itself.
Just confess to God, if necessary, and thank the priest for the ceremonial host.
It may take another century for the moral credibility of the priesthood to be restored,
if ever, without drastic changes, especially in the Catholic Church, although other
religious institutions and their pastors have crossed the line, as well. The very concept
of godliness may need correction, as well. Fortunately, we still have nature as a guide
to the ethical path of righteousness, as we promote herein. All is not lost, and humans
throughout ancient history, even before Abraham and all the prophets who were mostly
politically motivated, have promoted human dignity despite our selfish passions and clear
examples of savagery, as well. We’re human, after all, and always will be. No more, no
less. But we will always love our gods as concepts of perfect humanity and power, if such
is possible, perhaps an oxymoron. Power and humanity: Passion and conscience.
Allowing for and emancipating female priests is another obvious change
that would be very healthy for the entire clergy, as has been shown in several other major
religious institutions. Is there a modern Copernicus, like the one who convinced the Church
way back when that the Earth revolved around the sun, within the clergy today that can
somehow convince the Pope and Cardinals that women are just as spiritually correct, and
likewise made in the image and likeness of God, as men? Is God male or female or a perfect
blend? What color is her skin?
In addition to more civil gentlemen, how about some more
civil Bishops, Cardinals and Popes (and priests, too, of course)? People we can actually trust.
And, of course, marriage for priests should not only be allowed, but actually encouraged!
And with any gender, too, since we know that many priests are gay! It's time to change. Now!
But, let’s not forget that the offenders are still the minority within their ranks, to be fair.
Without open books, however, it’s really hard to tell how the ratio of offenders to non-offenders
actually balances? How about an annual, open audit by trustworthy external parties?
Moral correction may also be a factor in the United States to push for a female president
for the first time in American history. The proud groper hits the ropes! If the presidency
doesn’t work out, and he stays out of prison, he may venture into the business of evangelical
ministry and host massive gatherings on his golf courses, for a tax right-off, of course!
And, to satisfy his base, why not sell guns and offer a shooting range in the same space, as
well? A shooting range for both guns and golf balls! And he will personally bless every bullet
and golf ball, as well, for a small indulgence, of course. That way, anyone who gets killed
accidentally will go straight to heaven! Right?
In the Name of the Party, the Sun, and the Holy Barrister, treason is PERFECT! Ah-Men!
The façade of sainthood is just that. Saint Junipero Serra? This is not
really such a new discovery, and the treatment of indigenous children by our institutions in
the western world in recent centuries provides many records of the same, for example in
boarding schools
where Native American children were forcibly removed from their families and often abused,
physically and sexually, by Christian caretakers. Allegations of the sexual abuse of migrant
children by their governmental caretakers are also recently on the rise in the United States of
America. Not a new problem. Men have to learn, somehow, to take ownership of their own personal
antisocial tendencies. Not a new problem, and possibly getting even worse in modern times.
Native American women and girls also
disappear
or are murdered in the thousands every year at a rate that is tenfold the percentage for the rest
of the population.
Too many children have been tormented and injured by bullying in schools,
as well, which seems to go on without supervision or control by school officials, in many cases.
Mass shootings in schools by schoolmates is becoming all to commonplace, as well, in the 21st.
century.
Between better law enforcement and personal change by civil gentlemen,
institutional change and accountability is key to preventing more abuses and deaths. The civil
gentleman is an important agent to promote needed institutional change, as well, both from within
and without vital institutions.
As concerned community members, parents and civil gentlemen, given that children are so vulnerable,
and have increasingly been abused, threatened, tormented, trafficked, coerced to be child brides and
sometimes even killed within or by nearly every type of institution, including orphanages, hospitals
and boarding schools, as well as by teachers, coaches, doctors, priests, ministers, law-enforcers,
schoolmates, parents and other family members, in addition to threats by extreme weather, pollution and
climate change, we propose and strongly advocate a policy of annual safety interviews for every child
in every school and all other institutions and locations, if not enrolled in school, by qualified
external nurses. See full Child Safety Interviews Proposal.
Personal Change
Xenophobia and tribal instincts have also appealed to our caveman tendencies
to treat migrants as less than human and blame them for many problems as well as some kind of
conspiracy to displace the pure white race with some kind of inferior gene mix. Domestic racist
terrorists may not realize that by killing innocent soft targets, they are demonstrating a weakness
of the race they represent. Smart whites, on the other hand, are ahead of the game and have learned
some time ago to trade with, partner with and employ qualified migrants who include a large consumer
class vital to a healthy economy, and who also pay a lot of taxes. It actually takes a lot of
smarts and bravery to find a way to immigrate, especially when so many barriers, walls, drug cartels,
corrupt police and official policies that violate international amnesty laws are all stacked against
you. They come here not as invaders, but as partners in the mutual struggle for making a living with
hard work and cooperation.
In any group of friends, there are some who are more talented in one way or another. To limit your
friends to only those at the most talented level may leave you a very lonely person. Your quality of
life may improve if you decide to not only be a herder, but also a helper. A herder-helper with a
soul, and many more friends, as well. Evolution and survival of the fittest was built on this model.
It’s called cooperation. Look around, it’s a big town! Plenty of space for you and all types of
potential friends, allies and cooperators, if you’re smart enough to play the game. Figure it out.
Survive. Smile. Phobia and hatred lead only to failure and loneliness. Yours. Cooperation is also
an interesting topic on YouTube
showing how many species, including humans, benefit by cooperation.
Unfortunately, prayer or confession, by itself, usually doesn’t work for
transgressions of passion. Nor will the simple recitation of pledges, such as those listed below.
Most men in these situations probably want to change, but they don’t know how. They know their behavior
is immoral, harmful and illegal, but the passions override their conscience. Original sin begets
reciprocal sin, and so on. Just call it the male moral dilemma. Predatory by nature with a conscience
and a perpetual tug-of-war within the brain and its own soul. How many notorious offenders at one time
in their lives aspired to be saints or liberators from oppression?
Suicide – Mass Shootings
This may also be a factor in the apparent rise in suicides. We just don’t like our
own malicious and predatory tendencies. Some people also are so confused and full of hate or fear that
they not only take their own lives, but also those of other soft targets, perhaps of a different race,
noted as a hate crime. Before you pull the suicidal trigger, or indulge in another harmful behavior,
you may see some helpful options in the discussion below. Please know that you are
not alone. Change is possible, although it may be a slow process, and take a little help. Use your
macho tendencies to be stubborn and survive by overcoming complex problems with the careful study of
all possible options. A stubborn survivor trumps suicide. Being a sinner today, doesn’t mean you can’t
someday confess and brag, at least to yourself, about your redemption, the hard way, by pulling yourself
out of the dirt and persevering.
So far, only males have felt the need to engage in this level of merciless madness.
Another reason why we need to talk man-to-man. Somewhere there may be a few genes that also predispose
more of us males than females to fall down this pit of suicidal massacres. Fortunately, the vast majority
of males would never even think of being so heartless and cruel. Life, family, children, people of all
races and creeds, and loving them, are good. Not very complicated, actually.
The conspiracy of caring prevails! Conspire to love. Conspire to care. Put that in
your talk show, if you dare! We also care to love those who only hate!
It would be great if our hate
mongers would also expand their agenda to something more healthy for society? Maybe there’s an audience
for haters who also love? This may give you an edge over all the other hate only channels? How about,
“We don’t hate child immigrants”, for example? Do you begrudge the innocents?
If you’re dealing with demons of hate or paranoia, maybe you can start by changing the
channel on your YouTube or radio station to messages
and music that are relaxing and comforting? Best not listen to angry voices, or, if you do, talk back and
challenge them with the conspiracy of caring. They’re just trying to make
a buck and suck up your attention by appealing to fear and frustration. Usually they push simple solutions
like identifying enemies you can hate. Enemies are a dime a dozen, these days. If you look for them.
Cheap radio talk. No solutions. Real solutions come from within.
Some drugs, even like marijuana,
can also make some people feel a little paranoid, or vulnerable to suggestion, which can also lead to
laughter, on the positive side, or violence on the negative side. Be careful with chemicals in the brain.
If you’re feeling a little paranoid, try telling yourself that you feel like a powerful and beautiful
angel, and everybody loves you. The power of suggestion, and auto-suggestion, especially under the influence.
Too much alcohol can also trigger episodes of uncontrolled violence,
or put you in an argumentative mood. If you’re a big talker, you’ve probably been in a few fights, as well.
There also may be insightful help for specific problems you are facing on
the web. Some therapeutic apps are also available on mobile media including suicide prevention help, with
people you can talk to. Your world is in your brain. Fix it!
Prepare yourself for a long-distance cross-country race for survival.
To learn
new ways, you also have to be brave enough to ask some very big questions.
You probably already
know what some of those questions are. But it takes courage to ask them sincerely and to allow your own
brain to open up and to really explore all possible answers. Ask and learn. Learn and change. Courage
more than brains. To learn you have to ask. The true answers may be actually simple and obvious. Common
sense. But, you can’t learn if you don’t ask. Some questions may have only a probable answer. Others
may turn out to be not so critical, after all. Like, how many enemies are out there? Just ask your own
brain to really think and figure it out. Just for fun, ask yourself: Is it weird to love a stranger?
A healthy smile and some new friends to follow, in time. You’ll know you’re making progress when the guy
in the mirror starts to smile back at you, and maybe give you a wink. You’re not alone.
It may take even
more courage to join the conspiracy of caring. Be careful if you try to convince other haters in your
circle to love, however. That could freak them out. Jesus tried that and got crucified. Even more risk
may befall the courageous activist civil gentleman who takes a leadership role in denouncing inhuman practices
by powerful institutions.
The ideal agent of change may be inspirational rather
than punitive. For spoken words can hurt and also heal and can sometimes move a mountain or swell a
river of love.
There cannot be enduring peace in the world unless there is peace at
home, peace among brothers and sisters, peace in social affairs and peace in
private affairs
. The civil gentleman appreciates his responsibility to promote
love, peace, civility and respect at home and in all sectors of society.
Though he proudly stands as a sergeant at arms, he aims to become a captain
at enduring peace.
Guns – Fireworks – Security
The civil gentleman commits to provide security to his household and local community in a safe
manner, acknowledging that self-defense weapons have been known to be used carelessly or aggressively in
domestic settings. Unfortunately, guns are too often used for suicide, as well. The prudent
civil gentleman will secure all weapons in a gun locker that is not available to children and
cannot be opened without a key. Ideally, as a safe alternative to guns, security measures such as
electronic surveillance,
cameras and alarms will be deployed without the need for weapons of any kind around your home.
For extra protection, a big dog or two should do, and they also make good companions for all
members of the family, especially if properly trained.
No civil gentleman will possess a weapon with rapid fire capabilities designed for military tactics.
Fireworks are also off the table in any household since they are dangerous to children and any person
nearby, and frequently cause fires including wildfires.
Domestic Violence and Alcohol
Family Sexual Abuse
Child Abuse by Clergy
Orphanage Abuse
Cooperation
Jesus Christ Superstar
Use this as a guide, not to replace, but to
enhance and refine the religious, moral and ethical tenants that
are important to your own point of view in modern times ...
Civil Gentleman‘s Pledges
The mere establishment of laws, creeds or philosophies does
not a civilization make, but the stuff of civilization is formed by the
conscientious choices made by each man in each encounter at home, at work and
every place along his path, each and every day of his life. These pledges
are understood to represent the causes of gender harmony and equality and basic
human rights as commonly acknowledged by concerned organizations and leaders of
this era. In support of the precepts above, the pledges cover a broad scope of
issues, but are not presented as a comprehensive dictum of all ethical concerns
between men and women.
None of the pledges is based
directly on
religious dogma, prophecy, divine inspiration, or moral obligation. Nor should
this statement be taken as dogma, but rather as a vessel of communication
between the souls of men. For, no law or command can more powerfully steer
a man's behavior than his own volition. By evaluating the natural order of human
and animal life, we are inspired to elevate a path that brings harmony to the
essential needs of survival and fulfillment at both the physical and spiritual
levels of the human experience. Use this as a guide, not to replace, but
to possibly enhance and refine the religious, moral and ethical tenants that are
important to your own point of view.
Although some pledges focus on political action,
each gentleman should realize that his behavior at home and in intimate
relations is most critical to the establishment of a civil society. For, if a
man votes for women’s rights and comes home to abuse his wife and children, or takes
advantage of women who are trafficked for sex in a massage parlor, his
behavior becomes a net deficit to civilization. In politics, a democratic government
demands a discussion by voters in respectful discourse that may lead to better
understanding of policy or candidate points of view. A healthy debate allows for
learning and progress in the face of evolving realities, such as climate change
in this era.
Disrespect for human dignity can break down political dialog and undermine the democratic way,
the political model for all civil gentlemen. The quality of any democracy is the level of true
transactional dialog on principles and values held by any and all constituents. A round table
where all parties and both genders are duly seated without discrimination. In contrast,
apartheid is a practice based on racial discrimination and disrespect and is simply not valid
in any part of the civilized world, at any time, whether by friend or foe.
The most inhuman and criminal type of racial, tribal, religious, political or national
discrimination in history has led to genocide. Sadly, examples of such practices continue in
various parts to this day. In some cases, genocide is also accompanied by raping masses of
women in order to subdue racial identity and gratify mercenary warriors. This reveals the horrible
brutality of war and extreme politics, where women, who rarely bear arms, are brutally
victimized to demonstrate the worst levels of cave-man inhumanity. Totally at odds
with the values of the civil gentleman.
The most common disgrace, however, is the simple insult, a name as simple as “stupid”.
Teenagers often bully smaller kids with such simple insults with the intention to challenge
the others to a physical contest. Such behavior can poison a family, as well, like a virus
which may start from an elder who calls his children demeaning names. The mental cruelty may
then spread among siblings. Words hurt. Words are weapons. Nobody wins in this type of
caveman brutality. Such verbal assaults on a young child may leave long-lasting, if not
permanent, mental scars.
A great inspirational gift for all the young men in your family
... especially with the rampant temptations of Internet social networks and
Smartphone apps!
Let the pledges serve as guides to sharpen the conscience
of every man, and let the civil gentleman act according to his conscience. With
due regard to the principle of gender equality, a gentleman may consider and
undertake each pledge item individually in private sincerity regardless of social
sanction or approval. For, the best architect of a good conscience is the
man who deliberately examines his own soul with the willful intent of the common
good irrespective of the exhortations and demands of others.
It is not intended that the pledges be advocated by
pompous ceremony or required for acceptance to any organization. However, if so
inspired, any men’s organization or fraternity is encouraged to adopt the spirit
of selected pledges that may be relevant to its mission. Leaders and educators
may also find ways to build programs and lessons based on the intent of these
pledges.
Due to the significance of each pledge, only one pledge item should be undertaken in one day. An hour
of meditation should be focused on the meaning of the item prior to making a
commitment. Thought should be given to possible scenarios where the pledge may
be applied and to circumstances where the gentleman may be tempted to violate
the pledge. If he has previously behaved in ways that are contrary to a
pledge, he should try to understand and evaluate the impact of his behavior on
the parties involved.
The gentleman should keep a private record of the date and
time each pledge was made. Writing each pledge by hand as it is taken will
help to visualize the significance of the act. In so doing, the gentleman
is encouraged to personalize each pledge by adding details appropriate to his
station in life, marital status and affiliations.
The prescribed pledges
should be regarded as only a template upon which to build the personalized
pledges each gentleman decides to take. He should add new pledges that he
deems are necessary to further support the principals of gender equality and
universal human rights. He should pass over any pledge item to which he cannot
fully commit. The valor of one pledge made in earnest is not compromised by his
hesitation to commit to another pledge.
Weekly and Annual Reviews
The path towards a life of good conscience is often one of
the most challenging and courageous missions a man can undertake. For,
such an endeavor may constitute the regeneration of his very soul. Deliverance
is not an enduring station, but only a turn in an unending maze of temptations
and trials visited upon the man of good intentions. A special time should
be devoted each week committed to reading over personalized pledges that the
gentleman has made. He should also think about problems he has faced with
family or intimate relations during the week and related guidance provided by
the pledges. On an annual basis, the gentleman should
make a
spiritual retreat to privately review the pledges he has made and consider the
need to re-commit to those items he has found difficult to uphold.
Fortitude and perseverance are virtues he must call upon to continue on his
mission. During the annual retreat, he
should rewrite his personalized pledges and make any modifications to the
wording that will help him
focus more clearly on sensitive issues with loved ones and problems that need
special attention. He should
reconsider any of the pledges that he previously passed over and evaluate the
need for any new pledges not herein prescribed as his conscience dictates.
If a man needs redemption, let him redeem himself with
the encouragement of like-minded brothers and sisters, if such encouragement be
needed. For, although many will flourish when girded with the spiritual
embrace of their brethren, others will prevail on the path of righteousness with
their solitary perseverance, self-study and introspection, and the illumination
of their inner vision. If one recognizes that some problems continue to
reoccur, he should evaluate the need for professional guidance and support from
appropriate organizations, expert counselors or spiritual advisors.
He who has offended others in the past is one
who may himself benefit by cleansing his soul and making reparations and sincere
efforts to rectify his behavior according to his conscience. If he himself feels
pain deep in his heart caused by others, let him search his soul for ways to
understand and forgive. This is one step he must take by himself at the
time and place of his choice: For, no court, persuasion or punishment can
ever force a man to repent or to forgive.
Only one person will know when the soul has taken a
turn of forgiveness or repentance. For, true repentance is a private
moment, a simple pebble on a path that marks the beginning of a new journey.
And each step therefrom is blessed with renewed hope and respect for all good
things. The rising sun and the flowers in the fields are ample witnesses
who join in quiet
celebration of this new day.
His decision will
likewise be rewarded by improved relations with others as well as a more civilized
social environment for himself and his family. For, civilization is
likened to a well of goodwill, which we all draw from and replenish and which is
cleansed or polluted by our very deeds. The good waters, the sustenance of
our souls, are never purified by punitive measures, revenge, or imposed justice, but only by sincere
repentance, self-correction and remediation, and a good dose of forgiveness, as
well, among all parties involved. For, a society rich in justice is likely
poor in goodwill.
A man who has himself been
the victim of abuse by his partner or other family members, may fortify
himself not by resorting to retaliation, but by adhering to the highest
level of civility. By showing his offender a model of kinder behavior,
even though he may be stronger and capable of inflicting greater
physical harm, he will teach by example and avoid some situations that
may trigger more violence. For, more often than not, where there is
domestic violence, there are two offenders and two victims to one degree
or another. He may also encourage his offender to abide by these same
principles as appropriate.
Whereas each person needs to protect
himself or herself from harm, the victim(s) must decide which of either justice
or goodwill is more important. For rarely can imposed justice and
goodwill co-exist in a close relationship without exceptional generosity
and forgiveness. And justice, unfortunately, often leads to
vengeance and escalating violence. Ultimately, the stronger, more
successful, person is the one who advocates his or her interests through
negotiation, compromise, leadership and non-aggressive assertiveness and
who uses self-discipline to control his or her power for the sake of the
common good. Showing disrepect and challenging the human morality of an
adversary can only lead to the cost of unending hostility.
Unfortunately, some cultures thrive on robust war machines and mercenaries.
Looking for an enemy. Advertising for allies in hate.
Make Your School a Kinder Place!
This kinder way of cooperation and negotiation,
although requiring greater diligence and self-discipline, will more often
prevail both at home and outside the home in business and political
undertakings. It will also provide a standing of goodwill to leverage
against conflicts that unexpectedly arise from time to time.
We are also blessed today by a community and institutional effort to bring the offender and offended together
to allow the offender to take responsibility for harms he or she caused and at least show remorse and
compensation if possible. In some cases the punitive carceral solutiion may be avoided, or reduced by
a process of meetings with a circle of those involved and advocates to communicate and discuss possible
steps of sensitive help for the offended. This is especially meaningful when both offender and offended
may be intimately related in the family. Not every case can be treated in this way, as discussed by the
Restorative Justice Council:
How is restorative justice different in cases of sexual harm?
Restorative justice has to be very carefully considered in cases of sexual harm, and can usually only be considered
when initiated by the survivor. If the offender is known to the survivor it may add additional risk factors. No one
should ever be expected or in any way pressurised to take part, and, in order to make sure the process is safe,
restorative justice should only happen when there is a facilitator with the right skills and experience available.
They must have completed suitable training and have specific expertise in sexual harm. They will decide whether the
process is appropriate and, if it goes ahead, make sure that the survivor is kept safe.
Also very sensitive are cases of
domestice violence
in the family. Even more challenging in some ways is to resolve capital crimes with restorative justice?
Let us also be mindful that adding a little romance and humor
to the mix will often do more to bolster and enliven a
relationship than our principles, platitudes and pledges taken by themselves.
The classic example of a hopeless romantic
is the mythical character of Don Quixote, by Cervantes, who cherished a common
lady of the night, his Dulcinea, whose favor was the quest of his redemption as a noble
knight. This story can teach us that romantic love is not earned, but
given out of passion and human need. It is human passion that also
drives us to love our children, who often do much to torment us, and rarely earn
their keep until possibly later in their lives, that is unless we count the joy
we gain from seeing them laugh and play and learn the lessons of life. It
is also our nature to love many of the simple creatures that we keep as pets, or
sometimes the wild animals that we admire from afar. If love is to be
earned, by what virtues or performance do we measure in the balance? Two
people who can laugh, cry and play together will likely have an enduring and enriched
relationship. For, it never hurts to give, unless we are bound by our own expectations.
Through kindness, generosity, cooperation and forgiveness, we may all help
to replenish and cleanse the well of goodwill. This contribution is important especially since all of us have soiled
the waters at times by
offensive behavior, neglect of duties, broken promises, lack of sensitivity and excessive selfishness.
We all expect that kindness is deserved, but giving such may sometimes be
reserved. A few well-chosen words and
a handshake or a hug, may help to heal the wounds over a long-lasting conflict
with someone close to you. By earnestly making and abiding by
pledges as suggested below, the civil gentleman will usher his will with renewed
discipline and vision to avoid
offending others and to uplift the social bonds of civilization.
I pledge to honor the rights and privileges of every
woman to be held equal to those of any man in personal affairs, business and
any institution in which I have a voice.
I pledge to restrain any personal inclinations to
brutality or abuse including uninvited sexual advances, harassments, groping or assaults
towards any woman or child, or to any person who may be less
able to defend herself or himself, as well as anyone subject to my position of superiority
such as an employer, supervisor, teacher, doctor, nurse, coach, spiritual guide or minister,
talent appraiser, recruiter, agent for employment, military superior or other authority.
I pledge to respect the rights and privileges of any
woman who may be in a condition of inebriation or limited mental faculties and
to refrain from taking advantage whether sexually or otherwise of a woman in
this condition.
I pledge to moderate my use of alcohol or other
intoxicants and to avoid excessive amounts that may lead to violent or
sexually aggressive behavior towards women or other persons.
I pledge to respect the rights and privileges of any
woman who may be partially or fully unclothed, voluntarily or otherwise, and to
understand that the display of a woman’s private parts is not necessarily an
invitation for sexual engagement.
I pledge to respect a woman's right to privacy by
refraining from looking at her when she expects privacy, looking beneath her
garments in ways that are not expected or invited, and participating in any
other unwanted intrusions into her personal affairs.
I pledge to respect the rights of any woman who has
decided not to accept my offers of romantic or sexual engagement, regardless
of whatever gifts, entertainment or sincere compliments I may have given her.
I recognize that my largess does not entitle me to take privileges against her
will.
I pledge to treat all women with courtesy and respect
and to avoid public displays of bullying such as staring, whistling, or
shouting at women.
I pledge to refrain from unprotected sex in order to
reduce the risk of spreading sexual diseases to my partners.
I pledge to avoid paternity until such times when I can
undertake the full responsibility for caring for and supporting both mother
and child in cooperation with the interests of the mother and in consideration
of available means.
I pledge to not engage in the prostitution of women or
children. If I am concerned about the welfare of a prostitute that I may
encounter, instead of engaging in sex, I will contribute money or an item of
value to the prostitute as a free gift.
I pledge to not engage in the slavery, trafficking or involuntary servitude of women or
children, including salacious massage services. If I encounter a person who is so enslaved, I will make every effort
within my means to assist in freeing this person from bondage.
I pledge to not purchase or view pornographic materials
that gratuitously display images of women or children as victims of sexual or
physical abuse or to participate in or support a related industry.
I pledge to not purchase or play games that demonstrate
dehumanizing violence or abuse of women, children or adults or to participate
in or support a related industry.
Respect for Children
I pledge to perform my role as an example of a civil
gentleman, who uses the kinder ways of negotiation, compromise,
cooperation, leadership and self-discipline, and to be a model for my children and others in my family and social
circles.
I pledge to refrain from physical, verbal and emotional
abuse and violence towards children whether for the purpose of correcting
their behavior or for any other purpose.
I pledge to refrain from improper sexual contact with
any child below the age of fifteen years, whether or not such contact is
invited, and to respect the laws and taboos of the society in which the child
lives that are intended to protect children from harm. This restraint will
also apply to older children or persons of limited mental faculties who may
not understand the risks of sexual contact or relevant social implications.
I pledge to respect a child's right to privacy by
refraining from looking at the child when she or he expects privacy, looking
beneath the child's garments in ways that are not expected or invited, and
participating in any other unwanted intrusions into the child's personal
affairs.
I pledge to educate children in my family and social
circles about their own rights and
to inform them of ways to defend themselves against abuse by adults and other
children.
I pledge to guide children in my family and social
circles about the damages caused by sexually abusing other children or adults and the
need to refrain from such behavior.
I pledge to guide children in my family and social
circles about the damages caused by purchasing or viewing pornographic
materials that gratuitously display images of women or children as victims of
sexual or physical abuse and the
need to refrain from such behavior.
I pledge to guide children in my family and social
circles about the damages caused by purchasing or playing games that
demonstrate dehumanizing violence or abuse of women, children or adults and the
need to refrain from such behavior.
I pledge to guide children in my family and social
circles about the damages caused by bullying or assaulting other children or
adults and
the need to refrain from such behavior.
I pledge to guide children in my family and social
circles about the damages caused by taking intoxicating substances and the
need to refrain from such behavior at least until the age of responsibility.
I pledge to guide children in my family and social
circles about the damages caused by teasing and emotionally abusing other children
or adults and the
need to refrain from such behavior. Words can and do hurt.
I pledge to teach my children about the dangers of careless use of
weapons, such as guns, and to protect them by making sure that any weapons in the home
are carefully secured in gun lockers.
I pledge to protect my children and community from fireworks by
keeping all fireworks out of the home and not participating in any display of fireworks
that is not managed by pyrotechnic professionals and not conducted at approved civic events.
I pledge to protect my children and community from any device that may
be used as a weapon of mass destruction or explosive and any rapid-fire guns and related
equipment or ammunition designed for military tactics by not purchasing such devices and
not allowing any member of my family to possess or store such devices on the premises of
our home.
I pledge to provide financial and emotional
support to family and close relations that depend on me including quality time
and guidance as needed. I will be especially attentive to promises I
have made to family and loved ones as well as expectations based on my role in
each relationship. In times of special crises, I will also make
efforts to extend my circle of support to those in need in my neighborhood and
in remote areas.
I pledge to not participate in or support any group,
gang or organization that is committed to violence, abuse or damage to women,
children or any innocent persons or their property. Whether driven by motives
that are criminal, antisocial, greedy, political or divine, I will critically
examine any organization that uses destructive or violent means to accomplish its
purposes.
I pledge to refrain from abusive violence when any group
in which I am a member initiates or provokes violence with other groups or
individuals or among the members themselves. If violence and destruction
become a repetitive means for the organization, despite its purposes, I will
make efforts to change the organization, and, if unsuccessful, I will cease to
participate in or support the organization.
I pledge to advocate for full equality for women in any
organization, institution and political group in which I participate and to
provide educational references in support of women’s rights.
I pledge to support the enactment of laws and
constitutional amendments within my resident state and nation, which may be
needed to protect the rights of women and to provide full equality across
genders.
If given a choice, I pledge to vote for civility and fair human values and
not for any candidate who has a record
of abusing, harming or disrespecting women or any person on the basis of gender, race,
nationality, political persuasion, religion or place of birth. A civil gentleman is not
a cave man, nor does he vote for, or support, anyone who behaves like one or portrays uncivil or brutish
behavior in office or social media or abusive behavior in private. The only exception I will
consider is if the candidate has made amends and has truly repented.
I commit to the principle that human dignity trumps politics and is
essential for democracy.
Civilization begins with me!
Are You a Civil Gentleman?
If you believe in gender equality and the kinder way of dealing with adversity, then pat yourself on the
back and dub yourself an aspiring civil gentleman. To feel more legitimate as a
true
civil gentleman
, you can count the number of pledges you can truly commit to in
your heart, and rate yourself accordingly. If you're even close to 100%, you deserve a badge, but your true
reward is most likely a very happy family. No t-shirts, no badges, no ceremony nor official membership,
but hopefully an understanding that we can all do a little more to improve the civility in our own family
and community.
Just for fun, you can also design your own civil gentleman t-shirts and show them off on
social media, and hopefully add some
humorous graphics?
A diligent civil gentleman is one who also regularly evaluates
his performance with pledges and makes efforts to improve on sensitivity and possibly take on some of the
more challenging pledges. We are not looking for clean hands, because that will lead us to a very lonely place.
Realistically we are hoping to motivate more men to clean up their act somewhat, guided by the pledges and insights
in this message, and hopefully encourage their brothers to join in and actively get involved in their own communities.
A lot needs to be done. Clean hands, no. Strong and sensitive hands, yes.
The activist civil gentleman goes a step further and takes on institutional change.
We have highlighted several institutions that support or tolerate abuses of women, children and other specific
groups in irresponsible and cruel manners. But you know that there are many more institutions, governments,
organizations, clubs and gangs that also systematically tolerate or promote horrible abuses. Take your pick,
especially some of those groups that are close to your own social circles. Be brave and join the
conspiracy of caring.
A parent who tries to convert a wayward son to more civility is a very important and welcomed
civil gentleman
partner
. Many men can recall the guidance especially from mothers who helped to mold their boys to be a
gentleman and avoid mistakes with the opposite sex. Their fathers are often very positive and important role models,
as well. A wife or male partner can also turn on the abusive male to the kinder ways of a civil gentleman. The
activist civil gentleman should also reach out to partner with women’s groups and other activists who share our
concerns about protecting children, for example.
The emphasis displayed herein on protecting our children
from abuse with interviews for every child in every school is possibly the most important campaign we all can
undertake together at this time.
Somehow our schools have become crucibles that energize fears and phobias with
keywords and tags magnified and shared even further by social media today, taking advantage of the normal social
insecurities of youngsters.
Our schools are now a marketplace for some of the most antisocial, discriminatory
and bigoted ideas dredged out of the history of dark ages, in addition to a trading post for more traditional drugs,
weapons and other contraband. Only direct, confidential third-party interviews can shed any objective light on the
secrets of this hateful underground and dangerous contraband commerce more often obscured and crystallized by dark
clouds of the Internet.
This vision of protection is not so much through punitive action against bullies, abusers and hate mongers, but
more importantly with interventions that prevent and reduce the physical and emotional trauma at an early age,
which trauma may otherwise result in a life of violence, hatred, depression and crime, including sometimes suicidal
massacres. A way of protecting, cleansing and enhancing the common well of goodwill especially within the most
sensitive years of development and maturation. A kinder, more civil way. Permission to hate: Suspended indefinitely.
Certainly worth the investment of the
logistical costs of interviews and your efforts as an advocate, as well.
Victims of sexual or physical abuse can
experience trauma in a number of ways, either immediately or subsequently in
later years. Several websites and concerned organizations provide information about the affects of
sexual and physical abuse and ways to detect situations of abuse. Some
of these resources also provide guidance on ways to protect against abuse.
Child Sexual Abuse
by National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
states that child sexual abuse includes a wide range of sexual behaviors that
take place between a child and an older person. These sexual behaviors are
intended to erotically arouse the older person, generally without consideration
for the reactions or choices of the child and without consideration for the
effects of the behavior upon the child. Topics include "Who are the perpetrators
of child sexual abuse?", "How does one know if a child has been sexually
abused?", "What are some symptoms sexually abused children exhibit?", "What can
parents and caretakers do to help keep children safe?", "What should parents and
caretakers do if they suspect abuse?" and "What are the possible long-term
effects of child sexual abuse?".
Sex education resources by health connected
are valuable to help protect your children from harm and also warn your boys about
the liability of agressive sex games with younger children. The conversation needs to start
at early ages and continue with appropriate topics as your children mature.
Understanding Child Sexual
Abuse, Education, Prevention and Recovery
by the American Psychological
Association includes topics such as What is Child Sexual Abuse?, Who Are the
Victims?, Who Are the Perpetrators?, What Are the Effects? Can Children
Recover?, Protecting Children? What To Do, Where To Go for Help.
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Types, Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Effects
by
Helpguide includes topics such as What is the definition of domestic abuse
between intimate partners?, What are the types of domestic abuse?, What is
physical abuse of a spouse or intimate partner?, What is emotional abuse or
verbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner?, What is sexual abuse or sexual
exploitation of a spouse or intimate partner?, What is stalking?, What is
cyberstalking?, How likely is it that stalking will turn into violence?, What is
economic or financial abuse of a spouse or domestic partner?, What is spiritual
abuse of a spouse or intimate partner?, How do I know if I am in an abusive
relationship? What are the signs and symptoms of an abusive relationship?, What
are the causes of domestic abuse or domestic violence?, How does society
perpetuate domestic abuse? and related topics.
Sexual Abuse of Males: Prevalence, Possible Lasting Effects, and Resources
by Jim Hopper, Ph.D. presents information to 1) help those looking for Web
resources on the sexual abuse of boys and the lasting effects of childhood
sexual abuse in the lives of men, 2) inform men who were sexually abused in
childhood and want to know what professional researchers and therapists have
learned, but who might not otherwise seek information in scholarly journals and
books 3) help people understand how researchers come up with statistics on child
sexual abuse, because the popular media foster confusion and most people don't
read scholarly journals where researchers publish their work.
Guide to Recognizing Elder Abuse
Every month, one in 10 older adults worldwide
experience some form of abuse. But with only 1 in 24 cases of elder abuse reported,
the true figures are likely to be much greater. Every American state has an
Adult Protective Services law with definitions, and may have other relevant civil
or criminal laws.
Sexual Assault and the LGBTQ Community (Gay and Lesbian) community
Lesbian, gay and bisexual people experience sexual violence at similar or higher rates
than heterosexuals. The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Projects (NCAVP) estimates
that nearly one in ten LGBTQ survivors of intimate partner violence (IPV) has
experienced sexual assault from those partners. Studies suggest that around half of
transgender people and bisexual women will experience sexual violence at some point
in their lifetimes.
The Code of a
Gentleman by Catholicism.org
: This code of conduct was extant at the
Virginia Military Institute (VMI), circa 1839–1997. Without a strict
observance of the fundamental Code of Honor [cf., that a gentleman does not lie,
cheat, steal, nor tolerate those who do], no man, no matter how ‘polished’, can
be considered a gentleman. The honor of a gentleman demands the inviolability of
his word, and the incorruptibility of his principles. He is the descendant of
the knight, the crusader; he is the defender of the defenseless and the champion
of justice… or he is not a Gentleman.
The authors and publishers of The Civil
Gentleman do not represent any organization in this presentation. Any
comments about this publication should be directed to info[AT]2givenow.org.
New pledges may be added and other changes may be made at the publisher's
discretion. All copyrights are reserved. This work is published in the interest of civilization
and enduring peace in the world. Additional background information about
women's rights, gender equality and world peace may be researched through a
collection of books at 2givenow.org/books4peace.
You can link directly to this page with this
URL:
www.2givenow.org/civil_gentleman.htm
. Feel free to link to this web
page from any other web site and to distribute this link in your correspondence.
Here is a promotional message you are free to use as well:
The Civil Gentleman
is a concept and path to
improve civility between men and women around the world. It provides a way for
each man, from youth to adulthood, to examine his role in civilizing his home
and intimate relations. A code of ethics for the modern man based on the
grace of nature. Learn more about The Civil Gentleman here:
www.2givenow.org/civil_gentleman.htm
.
For the protection of our children and family values, we as responsible parents,
community members and civil gentlemen
must take an active stance to promote the ideas,
insights and proposals in this inspirational message by sharing
in social media and communicating directly with policy makers at the state and federal level, as well.
As parents, we should be reminded that a good introduction to the beauty and
pitfalls of sex is essential to help the child mature in a healthy manner and
avoid many of the mistakes that children often make. Think of giving this inspirational
message in pamphlet format to each of your sons at
an appropriate age, as well. This precious gift will bolster the spiritual
integrity and maturation of your children. Be prepared to discuss any
items and questions they may have about relevant topics. When coming of age,
children need to learn not only about their biological development but also, and
more importantly, about the ethical issues and responsibilities of young adults
and teenagers in transition to adulthood.
Your role as a parent is
critical in teaching important lessons about values and ethics that can best be
taught at home.
Volunteers may help to support the cause of
gender equality by printing copies of this statement and mailing or personally
delivering them to individuals who do not have access to the Internet, such as
persons of limited resources, the infirmed, the institutionalized and the
incarcerated. Copies should also be distributed to influential leaders,
students, educators, and organizations such as those devoted to advocating
gender equality and universal human rights. To present this message in a
more attractive format, you may purchase the
The Civil Gentleman Pamphlet
which also makes a great gift for family or friends.
Share these pledges and other pledges you
enjoy with others in your community as a
Pledge Inspiration Partner.
If you would like this inspirational message
sent in confidence by e-mail to someone you know, please send his or her name and e-mail address
to info[AT]2givenow.org and ask that your identity not be revealed to the
addressee. We will provide this service at no cost to you or the recipient
in the interest of goodwill to all.
Thoughts About Giving: It is when you give of
yourself that you truly give -- Thomas Fuller
